HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE RIGHT JOB

Put about 100 bricks in some Particular order in a closed Room with an Open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates into the room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back After 6 hours and then analyse The situation..

If they are counting the
Bricks.
Put them in the Accounts Department.

If they are recounting them..
Put them in Auditing ..

If they have messed up the
Whole place with the bricks.
Put them in Engineering.

If they are arranging the
Bricks in some strange order.
Put them in Planning.

If they are throwing the
Bricks at each other.
Put them in Operations.

If they are sleeping.
Put them in Security.

If they have broken the bricks Into pieces.
Put them in Information Technology.

If they are sitting idle.
Put them in Human Resources.

If they say they have tried
Different combinations, yet
Not a brick has Been moved, put them in Sales.

If they have already left for
The day.
Put them in Marketing.

If they are staring out of the
Window.
Put them on Strategic Planning.

And then last but not least.
If they are talking to each
Other and not a single brick
Has been Moved.

Congratulate them and put them
in Top Management.

The correct way to weigh

NASA closed on the occasion of Diwali

Breaking News... 

NASA closed.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 

Rajnikant bought all the rockets for diwali….

Happy Diwali

Smile is a remedy for all

Never Win People with Arguments.
rather Defeat Them with your Smile.
Because People who always Wish to
Argue with you, cannot Bear your SILENCE.

Box of Matches

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."

Kapil Ki Wife

Kapil ki Wife mar gayi.

Guththi usko chup karane ke baad-Tuje kuch chahiye?

Kapil-Laptop le aa.

Guththi -Laptop? Abhi?

Kapil-Facebook pe status 'Single' karna hai.

When she goes shopping...

A woman went shopping. At the cash counter she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV remote in her purse. He couldn't control his curiosity n asked "Do u always carry your TV remote with you?" She replied " No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today.. 

The story continues....

The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items that lady had purchased. 

Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper what is he doing. He said your husband has blocked your credit card!!!

Joke of the month

Sir - kaunsa panchhi sabse tez udta hai?
Boy - sir ... haathi
Sir - nalayak!  Tera baap kya karta hai?
Boy - chhota rajan ke gang mey shooter hai.
Sir - shabash! !! Bachho likho Haathi..
Sahi jawab...

Usage of Adhaar Card

A Scene in the year 2020

Operator:
Hello Pizza Hut!

Customer: Hello, can you please take my order?

Operator : Can I have your multi purpose Aadhar card number first, Sir?

Customer: Yeah!
Hold on.....
My number is 889861356102049998-45-54610

Operator : OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 40942366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. You are calling from you home number now.

Customer: (Astonished) How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : We are connected to the system, Sir.

Customer: I wish to order your Seafood Pizza...

Operator : That's not a good idea Sir.

Customer: How come?

Operator : According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level, sir.

Customer: What?... What do you recommend then?

Operator : Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it.

Customer: How do you know for sure?

Operator : You borrowed a book titled 'Popular Hokkien Dishes' from the National Library last week, sir.

Customer: OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then.

Operator : That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is Rs. 2,450.

Customer: Can I pay by credit card?

Operator : I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs. 1,51,758 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.

Customer: I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives.

Operator : You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've exhausted even your overdraft limit.

Customer: Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?

Operator : About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle.

Customer: What?

Operator : According to the details in the system , you own a motorcycle registration number 1123.

Customer: "????" (hmmm.. these guys know my motorcyle number too!)

Operator : Is there anything else, sir?

Customer: Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?

Operator : We normally would sir, but based on your records, you're also diabetic... In the best interest of your health, we are holding this offer for you.

Customer: teri...

Operator: Better mind your language sir. Remember on 15th July 2007 you were imprisoned for 2 months and fined Rs.5,000 for using abusive language against a policeman...?

Customer faints... aur banao Aadhar Card...

Qualities of an Indian

Some interesting facts about Indians:

1. Jab shampoo ki bottle khatam ho jaaye to usme paani daalo ek baar aur use karlo.

2. Toothpaste ko tab tak use karo jab taq usko pura nichod naa loo.

3. Ghar me showcase me China Crockery ko sirf aur sirf Guests ke liye use karo.

4. Gold kharidna ek gram bhi nai, par Gold ke rates ki bahut chinta hai apne ko.

5. TV ke remote ko zor zor se dabayenge, usse thokenge, par usme nayi batteries nai daalenge.

6. Kisi ne dinner party me invite kiya ho to uss din, din bhar kuch nai khaayenge, taki wahan party mein jee bhar k daba sake.

7. Jab T-Shirt purani ho jaaye to usse night dress bana lo, jab aur jaada purani ho jaaye to use Holi me use karo, Aur fir usska Pocha bana lo.

8. Dominos waale se extra ketchup, oregano, paparika maango taki baad me ghar me use kar sakein.

9. Pani puri khaane k baad, payment karne ke baad free Sukha Puri apna Haq hai...

Amazing structure with recycled watches

A Punjabi woman at clinic

A punjabi woman in london talking in English to a Dr about her sick child "My kaka is ill ek week da. Na eat da, na sleep da , bas weep da te cheek da, nale nak v leak da...!!

Everyone has experienced

Potty has 5 colors: Yellow, Green, Black, Red and Brown. Normally what can we see in a Potty: 1. Seeds of ladies finger 2. Chopped chilies 3. Rolled tomatoes 4. Coriander leaves 5. Corn If u look at the shape of Potty carefully, you can visualize various things: Eagle, Snake and Dinosaur Types of Potty: Thin, Hard, Soluble, Dry, Jelly and Oily Types of Potty: GHOST potty: The kind of potty when you felt there’s potty coming out, but no potty in a toilet. CLEAN potty: You potty it out, see a potty in the toilet but nothing on the tissue. WET potty: After wiping plenty times you still feel un-wiped. SECOND WAVE potty: You’re done potting, you’ve pulled up your pants and realize you need to potty some more. POP A VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD potty: You strain so much to get it out you feel like you’re having a stroke. GASSY potty: So noisy, every one within earshot is giggling. SKID MARKS potty: It leaves the most noticeable skid marks at the bottom of the toilet. BURN potty: Reminds you that you had too much of chilies the previous night. BIO WARFARE potty: Turns your toilet into a toxic chamber. Makes you regret you left your deodorant outside. THE I WISH I COULD potty: You wanna potty but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times. WET CHEEK potty: It drops so fast it splashes water on your butt cheeks. THE DANGLING potty: The one that refuses to leave your ass you need to shake it off. THE SURPRISE potty: You’re about to fart but BAAAMMMM, IT’S A POTTY. No matter how beautiful or rich you are but I'm sure you’ve experienced one or more of those potty type. No morning can be good without a Happy Potty..!!

Reliance

Mukesh Ambani Asks Anil Ambani, "Can I kiss ur wife TINA? ANIL Says, "40Ps/Min". TINA Shouts from inside,"Don't cheat your brother at least! RELIANCE To RELIANCE is FREE".

All new series of Rajnikanth

Rajnikanth was shot today... Tomorrow is the bullet`s funeral!
---------------------------------
Rajnikanth killed a terrorist in Pakistan 'via Bluetooth'!
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Rajnikanth can draw a straight line with a compass!
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Rajnikanth knows who let the dogs out!!
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Rajnikanth`s pulse is measured in Richter scale!
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The new Rupee symbol is actually Rajnikanth`s signature!!!
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Rajnikanth has a statue of Madame Tussauds at his house!!
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Rajnikanth is the secret of Boost`s
energy;
and Complan is a Rajnikanth boy!
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Rajnikanth participated in 100m race, obviously he came first, but
Einstein died watching that, since Light came second!!
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Intel's new ad: "Rajnikanth Inside"
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When Alexander Graham Bell first used his telephone, he realized that he already had two missed calls from Rajinikanth.
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Why does needle of magnetic compass always point towards North??? . . Because, RAJINIKANTH lives in the South and no one has guts to point at him!!!
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The apple which fell on Newton was actually thrown by Rajinikanth!
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An email was sent from Pune to Mumbai, Rajinikanth stopped it in Lonawala!
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Rajinikanth can whistle in 5 different languages!
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Only Rajinikanth knows why Mona Lisa is smiling.
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Rajinikanth is the person in the world who can make his girlfriend admit her mistake!
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Rajinikanth went to the world cooking championship...of course Rajini won. But
guess what did he make in final??? Lal mirchi ki meethi kheer
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This 1 is Baap

Wimbledon special

Roger Federer: I know everything about tennis. Ask me anything and I will answer

Rajnikanth: Kanna.. How many holes are there in the net ?

MasterCard... Priceless

A husband wakes up with a hangover....
He opens his eyes n sees aspirins and water.

He sits down & sees his clothes all clean & pressed....

He takes the aspirin & finds a note "honey, breakfast's on table, I left to buy groceries. Love you"

Totally shocked,
He goes to the kitchen 4 breakfast there he finds his son & asks him "What happened last nite?".

Son says "Well Dad u came home.  @ 3am, drunk & delirious, broke all d crockery, puked in the hall & made a total mess....

Confused he asks, "then y is everything in order?"

Son says, "Oh! Mom dragged u 2 the room tried 2 take ur clothes off & you said, "LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"
I can't ditch her...

MORAL:

Self induced hangover - 400$
Broken Crockery - 1000$
But saying the right thing when drunk...

PRICELESS !!

Fancy Dress Competition

Conditions Apply

I asked GOD: If everything is already Written in Destiny,
then why should I Pray ?
GOD Smiled & said: I have also Written
'CONDITIONS APPLY'.

Life Experience

Always WRONG PERSONS Teach the
RIGHT LESSONS in Life.
That is called LIFE EXPERIENCE.

Life is Simple

Life is similar to Boxing Game.
Defeat is not Declared when you Fall Down.
It is Declared when you Refuse to Get Up.

Relations are priceless

Always take Care of RELATIONS.
Thats why they say, whenever you are in Doubt,
'SILENCE' is the Best Policy.

Be with Good People

If a Drop of Water falls on a Lake,
its Identity is Lost.
BUT
If a Drop of Water falls on a Lotus Leaf,
it Shines like a Pearl.
Drop is the Same,
but the 'COMPANY' matters.

Never Lose Hope

Our HOPES should be like HAIR & NAILS.
No matter how many times they get Cut,
but they never stop Growing.
That is why they say,
Always Hope for the Best,
however Bad the Situation may be.

Memories

'MEMORIES' are always Special.
Sometimes, We Laugh by
Remembering the days We Cried.
&
Sometimes, We Cry by
Remembering the days We Laughed.
That's LIFE.

Important Advice in Life

Never Share your Secrets with Anyone.
This can be Self-Destructive...perhaps the most Important Advice in Life.
Never Tell Ur Problems to Anyone.
20% will not Care & 80% will be Glad that you have Them.

Sea is Common to ALL

SEA is common for All. Some take Pearls, Some take Fishes, Some come out just with Wet Legs. Word is common to all.

Listening To your Wife

Listening To your Wife...is like reading terms & conditions of a website.

You understand nothing but still click "I AGREE".

Life

Guzri hui jindgi ko kabhi yaad na kar,
Taqdir me jo likha hai uski fariyad na kar,
Jo hoga wo hokar rahega,
Tu kalki fikar me apni aaj ki hasi barbad na kar.
Mor nachte hue bhi rota hai
aur
Hans marte hue bhi gata hai

Ye jindagi ka funda hai boss
Dukho wali raat neend nahi aati
Or
Khushi wali raat kaun sota hai!
Take chances.. Tell the truth... Learn to say NO...Spend money on the things u love... Laugh till ur stomach pains... Dance Even if u are too bad at it...  Pose stupidly for photos...Be child-like.....  Moral: Death is not the greatest loss in life..  Loss is when life dies inside u while u are alive....Celebrate this event called LIFE.

Fishing

Wife: Har Sunday Tum Fishing K Liye Jatey Ho Naa?
Husband: Haan-Haan Toh?
Wife: Aaj Woh Machhli Aayi Thi..
Keh Rhi Thi Ki Woh Maa Banne Wali hai!

Seedhi Baat

Wife to husband: Jab tum Vodka peetay ho to mujhay "jaanu" kehtay ho. Tequilla peetaay ho to "Darling". Par aaj ''kamini" kyu? Husband: Aaj maine SPRITE piya hai, Seedhi baat, no bakwas...

Onions alike Dry Fruits

Reason behind youngsters avoid politics in India

Weekend

One friday, a boy with a super hot girl entered a jewellery shop & chose a ring worth 8 million for her.

The girl obviously felt awesome.

Boy gave a cheque & said he will collect the Ring on Monday after the cheque clears.

On Monday the jeweller calls the boy:
"There's no money in your a/c. The cheque
bounced!"

Boy: "I know. But you can't imagine what a weekend I had...

Believe in Yourself

Make your own way

She needs 100,000 different men

BEWARE OF FEMALE DRIVERS

After Accident , a male Driver Angrily said :- I showed you the Headlights and told u let
me go first ...............

Female Driver :- I also started the Wipers and said
No, No, No....

the Male Driver fainted !!!

​20-year-old Hyderabad student confined, raped for 17 months

Around the time a Delhi court sentenced four men to death in the Nirbhaya gang-rape case, the cyber city was shocked by the revelation of a 20-year-old student of a polytechnic institute who was confined and raped for 17 months by the owner of the college canteen. The girl managed to escape from captivity to reach home on Wednesday and the accused, 33-year-old Satya Prakash Singh, was arrested a day later.

The girl, a resident of Riyasatngar in old city, was kept in different houses on the outskirts of the city since April, 2012 and raped repeatedly by Singh. She even had to undergo abortion once, police sources said.

According to her statement, she was given a fruit juice laced with sedatives at the canteen on April 3, 2012 before being abducted. Later, she was shifted from one house to another to avoid detection. She escaped on September 4 when Singh was asleep and reached her home.

A note from Salary

Management Lesson

One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake. The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson. The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly. Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.

Moral of the story: One must not engage in duties other than his own.

Now take a new look at the same story.
The washer man was like a typical top management corporate guy. He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night. He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a research approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it. Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and the donkey became his favorite pet. The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dogs duties as well.
In the Appraisal the dog managed an "8". The donkey was rated as "9". Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around. The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a switch....

Moral of the story-Remains the same- "One must not engage in duties other than his own"

Disclaimer: All characters in the story are not at all imaginary. Any resemblance to person living or dying of work is purely intentional..!!

Asa Ram Bapu having Fun

Will you Marry Me?

External & Internal Germicide

Happiness is not Forever

Dukh Hamesha saath Rehta Hai
Magar Khushi Aati Jati Rehti Hai'
Santa, please explain this in
English:-

S:"My Wife Is With Me, But Her sister Comes & Goes..!

Duchess of Cambridge gives birth

Kate Middleton has given a birth to a Royal baby boy in Paddington, London. Prince Williams becomes a father. UK will celebrate.

A Funny Interview

Officer : What Is Your Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Tell Me Properly
Candidate : Mohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Father's Name ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Manmohan Pal Sir
Officer : Your Native Place
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?
Candidate : No, Munnur Pal Sir
Officer : What Is Your Qualification?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ?
Candidate : Metric Pass
Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : And What Does That Mean ?
Candidate : Money Problem Sir
Officer : Describe Your Personality
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly
Candidate : Mind-blowing Personality Sir
Officer : This Discussion Is Nowhere, You May Go
Now
Candidate : M P. Sir
Officer : What Is It Now
Candidate : My Performance....?
Officer : Mp !!!
Candidate : What Is That Sir..?
Officer : Mentally Punctured.
Candidate: M P Sir...(my pleasure)

Magic of Confidence

A Businessman was deep in debt and could not see any way out.

Creditors and Suppliers were demanding payments. He sat in the park, deep in thought, wondering if anything could save his company from bankruptcy.

Suddenly an old man appeared before him and asked,
"I can see that something is troubling you seriously".

After listening patiently the old man said,
"I believe I can help you".
He asked the man his name, wrote out a cheque and put it into his hands saying,

"Take this money, meet me here exactly one year from today... and you can pay me back at that time".

Then he turned and disappeared as quickly as he had come.

The businessman saw in his hands a cheque for $500,000... signed by Warren Buffet, one of the richest men in the world.
"I can erase my worries instantly" he realized.
But instead, the man decided to put the uncashed cheque in his safe, knowing that it might give him the strength to work out to save his business and to use this only in case of dire emergency.

With changed thinking he negotiated better deals,restructured his business and worked rigorously with full zeal and enthusiasm and got several big deals.
Within few months, he was out of debt and started making money once again.
Exactly one year later he returned to the park with the uncashed cheque.

As agreed, the old man appeared.

But just as the businessman was about to hand him back the cheque and share his success story, a nurse came running up and grabbed the old man.
"I’m so glad I caught him" she cried.
"I hope he hasn’t been bothering you much.
He always escapes from the mental hospital and tells people that he is Warren Buffet",
saying this she took the old man away.

The surprised man just stood there, stunned!
All year long he had been dealing thinking that
he had half a million dollars behind him...

Its not the money, real or imagined that turns our life around.
It is our Self-confidence that gives us the power to achieve anything & everything that we want.

Have a Confident day...!

Amazing Simple Home Remedies

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by peeing in the bathtub.

3. For high blood pressure sufferers - simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

4. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from hitting the snooze button.

Height of Attitude

A Sleeping Beggar puts a Notice Board in front of Him
Plz Do Not Make Noise By
.
.
Dropping Coins...!! Use Currency Notes!!